On a pedastal...

How often do you find yourself putting others on a pedastal? Constantly putting their wants and needs before your own? We all do it! Some of us more than others. I have done it all my life. It's a confidence thing for me. I've always felt like others were better and more deserving. And it's exactly what I've found myself doing with my boyfriend, Edy, even though I promised myself I wouldn't do it this time.

A couple of weeks ago, my good friend, Charlene, gave me a nice, in-depth tarot reading. Not suprisingly, most of my cards spoke of Edy. But the one part of the reading that jumped out at me was about me always putting him on a pedastal. The reading told me that I had to stop, that he did not like it. That he wanted me to be strong for myself and do what needed to be done for ME. I already knew that is what I needed to do, it was just hard for me. But that reading really stuck with me and changed my perspective on things. But, it was a conversation I had a few days later, that really made it real for me.

I was over at Edy's, just shooting the shit. I don't even remember what started the conversation, but somehow we got into a deep discussion about our relationship. He brought up how I have been putting him on a pedastal. He used the same wording as in the reading. He told me I always made it about what he wanted. That we always did what he wanted, ate where he wanted to eat, saw the movies he wanted to see. He told me I had to stop. That I had to voice my opinion and be "selfish" for a change. He said he's never seen me do anything for myself and that I don't allow myself to take care of myself. He told me to take him off that pedastal and put ME on it. He told me I needed to figure out what I really wanted out of this life and really go for it and to not worry about what other people said or thought about it. He told me I needed to learn to love myself, to be confident in who I am. Without all this, he said, I would never be truly happy. I could give myself totally for him and my kids and let myself fall to the wayside, but that wouldn't turn out good for anyone. But, if I gave my all to MY life, I, along with everyone in my life, would benefit greatly. What can I say? My man is quite wise! =)

So, that got me thinking. What do I want out of my life? Do I want to be like most everyone else in the world, and muddle by, day after day, in a job that I hate? Never being productive in anything meaningful to me? HELL NO! But that's exactly what I've been doing. So now, I have to figure all this out. The following is the beginning of a list of things that I want out of this life at this point. This is not a bucket list.... This is a LIFE list! And I encourage you all to make a LIFE list for yourself! Don't base it on what other people might think of it. Base it on what YOU truly want! Go on! What are you waiting for?

Here is MY list.....so far....
~buy a good camera and teach myself photography
~work more on my art and sell it on Deviant Art
~learn a new language
~write more!
~brush up an my baking and candy making skills
~continue learning the Craft
~re-teach myself the violin
~Start planning a future trip to Ireland
~Love...
~Love, love, love!
~Love even more!!!